I don't care anymore...

I promised myself I wouldn't write another journal like this, but I don't care anymore. Some of you may be familiar with , my boyfriend, make that my ex-fiance. Well, this time he means it when he says that he doesn't want to do this anymore, even though this is only the second time. He doesn't want me anymore and I don't blame him. We have to keep our relationship a secret and we can only see each other for an hour once a week. I love him so dearly that I can't stop crying, my hands are trembling and my heart is beating so fast I feel like I may have a heart attack and die. I love him so much, and I promised to myself and God that if I ever lost him, I would never love another man... I've been hurt too many times. Now I'm going to keep my promise, and I will never be fully happy again. He made me feel complete and happy, and I've opened up so much to him because I trust him with my life. I have no reason for living and I don't care what happens to me. Nobody say anything about him, he has the right to leave me and move on. I just never will move on, I love him that much. We were going to get married, have a family and be happy forever. Obviously that will never happen now. It's my fault he feels like I don't love him, and now he's gone!  If you ever read this mi amor, I love you so much and I will always love you ... even if you don't love me anymore. I will just read our old messages and imagine what could have been. Just talking to you was the highlight of my day even if I didn't see you or hear your wonderful voice, no matter how long I waited. I hope you find someone that will treat you better than I have, and that she never leaves you. I hope you're happy with her and that she's your true love. I just want to see you one more time. Te voy a amar por toda la eternidad, mi amor.